Baba Politishan’s Speech, By Nkenu Timothy Woma


By Nkenu Timothy Woma, 

(The time is 6:30 pm and a stage is set for a speech by the popular Baba Politishan. The crowd is over excited and rice grains are everywhere – this is significant as Baba’s party has a rice grains as its emblem. Suddenly, a lanky man who is supposedly the MC comes on stage)

MC: My people! Who did we come to see?

Crowd: Baba Politishan

MC: I say who did we come to see?

Crowd: (louder) Baba Politishan!

MC: Who gave us rice when we were hungry?
Crowd: Baba Politishan!

MC: When we complained that we had no food, who gave us chicken for Christmas and Salah holidays?

Crowd: Baba Politishan!

MC: When we said we had no water to drink, who shared cartons of beer during New Year celebrations?

Crowd: Baba Politishan!

MC: When we complained that our children were becoming olodos in this town, who sent his children to represent us by studying abroad?

Crowd: Baba Politishan!
MC: Great, Great…

Crowd: Baba Politishan!

(the crowd goes into a frenzy and chants of “Great Baba”, “Mighty Baba”, “Unshakeable Baba” are heard all through the crowd. The MC waits for the frenzy to die out and then continues speaking)

MC: I am here as a volunteer to campaign for a second term for the great Baba. I have not been paid a kobo! (He emphasizes the fact that he has not been paid by lifting his two hands in the air as the crowd cheers him on). So, let us jam our hands together as we welcome the great Baba

Crowd: Mighty Baba! Unshakeable Baba! Powerful Baba!

(A man, dark skinned and in well in his 70s with an enormous pot belly slowly moves to the stage. He is surrounded by at least 6 policemen. On sighting him, the crowd goes into a frenzy)

MC: Now let me leave the stage for our great Baba! (He accidently stumbles and falls while leaving the stage and a brown envelope pops out from his pocket. Dollar notes fall out from the envelope. He hurriedly picks them up and leaves the stage)

Baba Potishan: My people!

Crowd: Our Baba!

Baba Politishan: I say my people!

Crowd: Mighty Baba!

Baba Politishan: I have a full speech written for me, but let me speak from the heart… (a man in the audience, presumably in his early 20s, disrupts the speech as he holds up a megaphone and speaks)

Man: You shameless old man! You have not commissioned a single project throughout your political career and you want us to vote you? Do you have no shame? In fact, I have documents that will expose your dirty dealings. (The crowd wants to beat him up but Baba gestures that they should let him be)

Baba Politishan: Young man, you said you have documents that expose me? (suprisingly, he looks and acts calmly)

Man: Yes and I will expose you! (he is visibly angry and appears to be determined to his cause)

Baba Politishan: Young man, please come up to the stage

(the man reluctantly walks up to stage. Baba Politishan removes two envelopes from his agbada and hands them over to the man. After seeing the contents of the envelopes, the young man jumps and hugs Baba Politishan)

Young man: Baba you are the greatest, you are the best. I was foolish to criticize you, you are a saint! Mighty Baba! Unshakeable Baba!

(The crowd cheers the young man as he exits the hall still showering praises on Baba Politishan)

Baba Politishan: Thank you for your time!

(brown envelops are handed to people in the audience by ushers as screams of “Mighty Baba”, “Great Baba” are heard in the audience”)