by Farouk Martins Aresa,
Are there still relationships without sex and money? When this guy demanded sex from his girlfriend before marriage claiming if she loved him, she would not demand money. She replied that if he loved her, he would wait until marriage for sex. Most men would like to know what they are getting into before marriage these days. Actually some men prefer to take a bride to the altar with a small belly bulge. It is not about trust, prenuptial or love it is about procreation.
Parents usually advise their children not to live together with boyfriend or girlfriend until they are ready to marry. In some cases, as they get used to each other, familiarity breeds contempt. But young people feel the need to know each other reasonably well by living together before getting married. There are compulsive habits of “jaskili” the close relationships would expose.
Wait O! Most men do not expect their spouse to be a virgin before marriage anymore. So if she is not giving him sex before marriage, somebody must be fulfilling that role. In fairness, some ladies do abstain, some believe in self-service and some submit to just physical pleasure from un-presentable guy until the right man comes around. By the same token, if men are not giving their money to their girlfriends, they are not getting sex freely from another lady either.
Freddie, an older friend usually told us you have to pay a lady for sex sooner or later. None of them give it up for free. When a woman sizes you up, she assesses how responsible you are and what you can offer, not only as a husband but also as a father to her child. But that is when they are ready for marriage. Before then, they are more interested in a tall, dark and handsome fella just as dumb men usually look for only pretty face or hair.
However, just as men do not want a long-term relationship without sex, women do not need a long-term sexual relationship for free! Situation is different today because some women do make more money than men. There are also men from poor homes that get married to women from rich homes. It makes it easier for some women to love men for friendship or as someone they will later marry. It is much harder to go a long distance without sex for men, rich or poor.
Many men see it as a waiting game when ladies say they want just a platonic friend first, before deciding whether to move closer to a love relationship. There are cases ladies use men as a surety in case the guys they really love disappoints them. Ladies also have men they can have sexual relationship with but will never marry. If you denied an ugly or low status sexual partner, a man or lady had ways of getting back at you. Social media has made it easier to kiss and tell.
The best way to avoid sexual relationship is to pull back to a level where the loving relationship can be saved. A loving relationship without sexual contact can last longer than one with sex. The reason for this has more to do with further commitment and expectation that may involve a third party in the company. The third party can be a child as a result of the relationship, a close confidant or extended family that may modify the commitment one way or the other.
Sex itself is another form of commitment from each party in a company that requires loyalties from the two. In each of these, additional commitment beyond the initial party is needed. Indeed, sometimes friends have come to realize that they ruined their amicable friendship after getting into sexual relationship. Many relationship are better left in a platonic state than to go all the way. If may mess up a good friendship.
Many women can vouch that they know at least one guy that is not related to them that love them without any sexual relationship. It is more difficult to find men that love a woman the same way without any attempt to have a sexual relationship. However, the deeper their love in both cases, the greater the chances for the exchange of money and a sexual relationship.
We have couples that do their best in relationships until they exchange rings in marriage. The man may feel he has conquered and there is nothing else to chase while the lady may think that she have finally got him. Complacency is the worst enemy in a relationship. Others claim that seeing the worst of one another brings compromises and reduce resentment. We take each other for what we are. But compulsive promiscuousness cannot be a hidden secret for too long.
The reason for prenuptial are many and some have destroyed relationships before they started. Whoever is bringing more money into a relationship wants to make sure she is not taken to the cleaners within a short time. Another way of saying they do not want money as enticing part of the relationship or attract a gold digger. If it starts with money, it usually end without money.
This is why prenuptials are spaced in form of years spent in the marriage, the number of kids and age of couples. There are gold diggers and vultures on both sides waiting for opportune time to strike. If one of the newlywed couples started asking for more financial details or took out big insurance payment before they even settled down, it could be a gloomy sign. Most of the financial details between couples should be voluntary in case one is incapacitated.
The reasons it may be easier for women to love a man without money are many but one is “fine boy” attraction. Apart from self-sufficiency already mentioned, women can be generous and empathic with the sorry situation of some men. Wealthy men in such situation will not give his money freely except in cases where the ladies “worwor”. Of course we seen both men and women get fascinated by mad people on the street. It’s not because they have anything to gain.
There was this mad man on one of the busy streets. He exposed himself for a while before he was taken away. Some ladies could not help talking about how gifted he was in the office. Some of us wondered if he had cornered one of them, they might willingly submit and enjoyed it if nobody was watching or cry rape if caught. The cases of pregnant mad women and those that gave births are many on the streets. We wondered how and when conjugation happened.
Nevertheless money and sex have become primary motivations for relationship instead of secondary reasons for getting together. Both still spend time looking good but that can only attract certain people. While size may matter, the real one that matter most is men’s pocket or ladies’ asserts. There was a time women asked if men had a gun in his pocket or just like them.