President Jonathan Has Denied Us Great Bedroom S*x In Nigeria Since 2011 – Funke Tega Phillips

The 'King and the Dame'
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by Funke Tega Phillips

Funke Tega Williams
Funke Tega Phillips

Under 18s, look away now…….

When last did you have great sex?

Not regular sex. Not run-of-the-mill sex. Not ‘sarewagba’ sex. I mean great sex. Sex that made your belly flip. Sex that made your eyes roll to the back of your head. Sex that made your toes curl. Sex that made you hear the Lord’s trumpet. Sex that made your hair plait dada.

It’s been a while, right?

But have you thought about the reason for the dearth of great sex in this country? You love him. He loves you. So why the hell aren’t you guys having grade A sex?

Before I tell you the reason, let me challenge you to have great sex with your man tonight. To do that you’ll need a bowl of Icecream, whipped cream and a Jagged Edge cd.

Put the cd in your cd player and let that cool, orgasm inducing music waft round the room. Get yourself in the mood. When he gets home, jump on him and tear off his shirt. Tie his hands to the bed with his tie.

Then proceed to the kitchen to get the bowl of Icecream.

stable power jonathanBack to reality……..

Alas, all these can’t happen because Nepa has taken light and there’s no fuel in the generator. Jagged Edge won’t play and your ice cream will melt. Heat will nearly kill you people and both of you will be cranky as hell.

Then you remember :”But Jonathan promised us steady electricity when he was campaigning during the last elections o.”


Jonathan…..denying Nigerians the opportunity to have great sex since 2011.

Jonathan the sex killer.

If that isn’t a reason to vote him out, I don’t know what is.